Wow.

So. That explains A LOT.

Mayim makes me feel very glad I had the mother I did, and that Mom did have The Talk with me, and she did it in a very body-positive, sex-positive, love-positive way.

Mom was also curvaceous, like me, with a substantial bosom (I come by it honestly). Mom never communicated to me that she hated her body. In some ways, she joked about it – about her height (no taller than me) and her boobs, etc. She showed me it’s ok to have a sense of humor about one’s body. I think that was a good thing.

Mayim also makes me feel grateful that I took a really comprehensive health class in 8th grade that included a section on human sexuality. My mother had to sign a permission slip for me to take that class, and she did permit it, and I’m glad I was in that class. The human sexuality section was medically accurate, but it was focused on straight sexuality – no mention of being gay or bisexual or transgender; this was in the very early 1980s – and they did use proper terms for body parts, like “vagina” and “penis” etc. Yes, that matters. There are some “sex education” classes that don’t do that; all they tell you is to wait until marriage to have sex. They don’t even explain what sex IS. I remember Carrie, from First Unitarian, telling me what her employer (Catholic Charities) thought “sex ed” was. Just a “wait until marriage” thing. She even sent me a link to one of their webpages, and it was not informative at all. Ugh. Then she said that lots of kids, because they didn’t know what sex was or what body parts were called or how they worked, came down with STDs or girls didn’t know what a menstrual period was, etc. How ridiculous. How avoidable.

But in watching this video, I think I see why Mayim puts such emphasis on modesty…and why I have always been very sexually confident and adventurous. It’s probably why I really love this song:

People think it’s intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality; I’m a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent.

Then I got involved with Goddess spirituality, which was also enormously affirming of women’s sexuality and all the creative ways sexuality can be expressed. Having divine figures like Freyja and Aphrodite and Oshun, some images of whom I have here:

Oshun:

Aphrodite:

Freyja:

With images like this, how can any pagan woman not feel empowered in her sexuality?!

There ARE Goddesses that speak to Mayim’s more academic and intellectual way. Goddesses of wisdom would be very suitable for her, like Frigga and Minerva and Athene. And this is why I DO like Goddess spirituality so much – it tells women “your life experience is blessed, too.” In that way, Goddess spirituality is very inclusive.

By the way, Mayim thinks there’s no call to label someone as a “bitch” BUT there are a lot of women, especially in the Goddess spirituality world, who OWN that word as a HUGE badge of pride. Usually in the world of Goddess spirituality, the energy of the Bitch Goddess is that of someone who takes no shit off of anyone, and doesn’t let anyone’s negative opinions stop her from doing what she believes is right and true. She takes a stand on things even if they are unpopular positions, she expresses her truth, and she faces down her critics fearlessly and does not back down from her position UNLESS she, of her own free will, chooses to do so. She never caves to external pressure. And yes, sometimes just saying “no” to something does earn one the title “bitch” – and it’s not always a bad thing.

I have had to do that, and I have faced critics who would put me down and try to force me into a different viewpoint, but I did not cave. That takes a lot of courage, and bitch Goddesses are, morally speaking, very courageous people.

Just wanted to put that out there.

As an aside, there is a part of me that thinks “maybe there are some people out there for whom their sexuality and gender identity REALLY IS A CHOICE – and if it is, more power to them.” They should be affirmed in their choice. It shows enormous creativity and using one’s own life as a canvas, upon which to paint anything they want. I like the idea of sexuality, etc, as a choice. I think it’s great. It sure is better than “I’m a slave to my genes.” That, to me, is disempowering.

I recognize that not everyone is going to be ok with my sexuality. As women age, we are expected to be less sexually active. Sometimes that does happen, but sometimes it doesn’t. I prefer to let it be whatever it is, sans social expectations.

But that’s what I’ve hoped to demonstrate to some people around me – that sexuality is nothing to be afraid of. I think it should be handled respectfully, with dignity, but not feared. Yes, it’s very powerful, and yes, one can get hurt. But some of just HOW hurt you get is in your attitude about it to begin with.

So there we have it. Mayim woke me up to some truths here. I’m sorry my mother is now gone, and I can’t express this to her; most of what I remember of life with her is not good. It involves alcohol and abuse and all that. But it wasn’t always like that, so perhaps I should focus more on the good and take whatever lessons I can from the bad. Something to consider.

More on this later, perhaps…got things to do…

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On Studying Languages

Oh dear Lord this cracked me up; I found it on Facebook:

languages

The discussion that followed was hilarious as well:

On Russian: “russian is simple – drink bottle of vodka – yell”

On English grammar: “english grammar was made by drunk apes”

Me, on Welsh:

welsh

Polish v English: “English is easy. Now Polish, that runs on 100% high octane evil.”

On Polish long words: “How about nejneobhospodařovavatelnějšího (the longest word in Czech, if we don’t count chemical formulae)?”

I’m descended from Celts. I knew we could top that, so I posted THIS. Yes, I’m evil.

Then this discussion happened on learning Japanese:

Japanese: “Here’s your 20-sided die to help you figure out how this word will be be used”

“Here’s another 20 sided die to help you decide what verb conjugation you need to use, and a 10 sided die to decide how many individual conjugations you need.”

“Also here’s a 50 sided die to help you decide which counter you should use in this apple.”

“And here’s a 30-sided die to figure out how to read 生.”

“Actually, you know what? Just make a guess at how the word should be used, then roll the d20. …Oh, and you have to beat a DC21. What’s your Intelligence mod again?”

“You mean a 300 sided die to write “shen”?”

“After you learn Chinese , then a bit of English, boom – Mandarin”

“Grab those dice and reference your Politeness Tables. いらっしゃいませ”

Some Russian is up to the challenge of difficult languages: “Slavic countries – hold my vodka” and then this followed:

<takes a deep breath> SZCZEBRZESZYN <Takes a deep breath> blotched…Chrząszcz / Beetle….Trrzcina / Reed….Gżegżółka

“Holy crap how the hell you said all these words. Thank God that’s not must learn language like English 😂”

And it went downhill from there:

“wyrewolwerowany kaloryfer stół z powyłamywanymi nogami konstantynopolitańczykowianeczka Wyrewolwerowany – radiator rubber baby buggy bumpers. Konstantynopolitańczykowianeczka

“Tibetan- hold my yak milk”

“Gaelic – hold my whisky”

“Mongolian (throat singing)- hold my horse milk”

“Just to make sure: You guys are not just facerolling over your keyboard and pretend to write words, right?”

“No, we’re not :3 Now excuse me, I need to go and eat some rzeżucha, because you know, it’s Easter :)”

Me, re: Gaelic: “A-FOOKIN’-MEN, bitches! I say Welsh wins hands down”

“Polish: Y is the only vowel”

“Well I guess nobody had balls to try Polish, perhaps that’s why it isn’t there.
Or maybe it’s clear that our grammar came from hell and was twisted by the devil himself so nobody wants to touch it?

btw Latin = win
Roma Capvt Mvndi biczyzzzz”

OK THAT was perfect. He wins.

But then, this discussion happened:

Some Turkish dude: “English is hell. Dude even i don’t know my native language.We are learning turkish for 22 years and we are still not good at it”

Some Italian dude: “It must be hard to say “genocide” in turkish.”

OUCH.

On Portuguese: “Soooooo you thought this would be just like spanish right? Well, forget that shit”

On English: “English is not so much a language as The Greatest Hits of languages.”

On written Russian: “Oh you haven’t cried in a few days? Here’s some cursive…”

“Rules are made to be broken” – English language

“English is easier than a drunken hooker”

“Fucking Greek participles! Try to translate Latin written by a Greek”

Dear Lord, I’d have to kill myself…

Feminism vs Intellect/Freedom of Thought

OK so Mayim posted this on Facebook:

to the men and women so outraged that i am raising my sons as feminists. ahem. feminism is the belief that men and women are equally competent and valuable. it is the belief that women have the power, wisdom and unique skill set to bring about a revolution of race, class, and gender in this world. it is the belief that the violation of anyone’s rights is a violation of all rights. i will raise my sons to be feminists as long as there are those among you who believe that feminism is about man-hating and trendy hypersensitivity. and as long as people call me – or any feminist – a Feminazi, there is a need for more feminists. sometimes i wonder how we can move forward with such ignorance, fear and hatred. let my sons be champions of equality alongside the brave women who have worked so hard to get us where we are.

Some of the responses she got were completely nuts and brainless. As one gent put it: “Gotta love how the religious fanatics go full cognitive dissonance when their ideology is challenged.” He’s right. I cannot believe how emotionally-driven/non-intellectual people get in the face of feminism.

For example, this discussion ensued:

Gina Redrovan said:

Feminism = hate for men and auto victimization of women mentally weak who find “equality” by killing their children in the womb due to irresponsible sex. I can be for equality without being a feminist!

Danielle F Walters responded:

Gina that’s not the definition of feminism. But good job misunderstanding the entire point of my comment and this post!!

Also, you do realize that birth control isn’t a magic pill that means you never get pregnant right? Approx 83% with condoms, 92% with the pill.

I have a IUD (the most effective form of BC) and can still get pregnant despite taking the best precaution I possibly can.

Josh Hankins added this:

Actually Danielle F Walters, the most effective method to prevent pregnancy is abstinence! If you don’t want the prize, don’t play the game!

Danielle F Walters responded to him with this: So Josh, you are suggesting a 30 year old married couple abstain from sex because of your morals?

Abstinence doesn’t work and is a useless throwaway argument made by people who don’t actually want to think.

Why don’t you ask all the abstinence only states how’s that’s going? Oh wait they also have the highest rates of STI’s and teen pregnancy.

Sooooo obviously it doesn’t work since it hasn’t for 30+ years.

Wait, WHAT? WHAT did she just say???

I had to dive in there and say this:

Danielle just said abstinence doesn’t work.

So girls just get pregnant out of nowhere? Girls and women can just turn up pregnant even if they are virgins?

Wow. And I thought only the Blessed Virgin Mary was the Immaculate Conception.

What. An. Idiot. Women don’t just turn up pregnant out of nowhere. Abstinence DOES work. If she’d said “abstinence only sex education doesn’t work” that would be a correct statement. But she just had to mouth off, because she was getting too emotionally involved to think rationally, and there we have it. She’s an idiot.

Justin Brown said this:

Danielle F Walters if feminism is really just egalitarian what need is there for it?

She hasn’t responded to him as of yet.

I like the word “egalitarian” better. If I was going to use a word, that one would be more accurate.

But more & more, I’m coming to realize that when faced with a label, people abandon all rational thought. It’s very similar to what Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson said about atheism in this video and how dehumanizing labels can be. It stops people from having real, in-depth conversation with someone about life.

Feminists seem to have no capacity for rational thought when it comes to this. They are so deeply wrapped into their idolatry, they can’t even see what they’re DOING. And this – along with the backstabbing I got years ago from feminists and feminist supporters – is why I won’t use the label “feminist” even though I have many views that agree with feminism.

I just reserve the right to think for myself and to set boundaries about how far I will define myself. If anything, that is the single most feminist thing a woman can do.

Further thoughts – I added this:

Um, Mayim, these two statements are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE:

Statement 1: “feminism is the belief that men and women are equally competent and valuable.”

That statement should have ENDED THERE. But then you said this:

Statement 2: “it is the belief that women have the power, wisdom and unique skill set to bring about a revolution of race, class, and gender in this world.”

You can’t have it both ways, Mayim. Your 2nd statement canceled out your 1st one. Basically with these two statements, you have just proved George Orwell’s point when he wrote, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” Remember that, from “Animal Farm?” It was a proclamation by the pigs who control the government in that story. That line is a comment on the hypocrisy of governments/groups/organizations that proclaim the absolute equality of their citizens/members/etc but give power and privileges to a small elite.

With feminists, you have some who get paid a lot of money to stand up and make speeches and tell women just how exploited they are. Some people make a very good living reminding women just how victimized they are. Those are the “more equal” animals. Don’t be one of them. That would be so disappointing.

Maybe you should reread “Animal Farm,” Mayim. You’re totally proving Orwell’s point.

I also said:

I just wish that those people who do choose to use the word “feminist” as a label for themselves would stop screaming at those of us who don’t use that word for ourselves. If we say “I or someone I know doesn’t identify as a feminist” we are torn a new one by feminists – which, of course, does nothing to endear feminism to us at all, and in fact is very likely to reinforce our decision to stay the hell away from that word – and they bear false witness against us, and accuse us of things that they can’t possibly know about us because they don’t know us as people. This is why many people believe – me included – that feminists are not interested in dialog. They only want control. They don’t want people to be free to choose for themselves what labels they will or will not use. They are threatened by people who think for themselves and who refuse to participate in herd mentality. Yes, this HAS happened to both my husband and myself. This has also happened to a man – call him Lord Ash, as that was his Craft name – who once was my high priest when I was a Wiccan; a feminist witch (Z Budapest, for those here in the know) told him his mother should have strangled him at birth because he was a boy. She’d tell you, Mayim, that you should’ve strangled your boys at birth for the same reason. SHE IS A FEMINIST, Mayim! You are one of those people! I swear to G-d that is 100% truth. In the face of that, how DARE a feminist wonder why some of us don’t want to use this word?

Is that what you want for your boys, for them to be that kind of person? Because I’m afraid that, if you’re raising them to be feminists, that’s what you’re teaching them. Scream at people, hate people, turn people into your enemy if they don’t use the labels they demand of people. Say rude and false things about people they’ve never even met. Accuse them wrongly of having twisted views of the world. Refuse to be a rational human being who will discuss, calmly and rationally, why some people are turned OFF by feminism and why they don’t want to use that label or be associated with feminists.

Labels are DEHUMANIZING. Do not get idolatrous about them.

I then added this:

In response to this: “i will raise my sons to be feminists as long as there are those among you who believe that feminism is about man-hating and trendy hypersensitivity. and as long as people call me – or any feminist – a Feminazi, there is a need for more feminists.”

OK so you need more people to shout down anyone who puts a toe out of line, who dares to disagree with you & your feminist friends, who dares to think for themselves, just like what has already happened to me and my husband, when WE thought for OURSELVES and did not agree with feminist people or strongly pro-feminist supporters. You’re going to teach your boys to be social bullies, to be thought and speech police, to shun anyone who dares to disagree with them/thinks for themselves, who calls them out when they get to be social bullies (like the feminist bullies who ripped my throat out), etc. Wow. That’s a GREAT way to raise your kids – NOT.

And you – and other feminists like you – DARE to QUESTION why the word “Feminazi” even exists?? Do you even notice when feminists get out of line like this? Or are you in denial?